She's The Man

and i guess i don’t miss you

i miss the feelings 

and i miss the love

i miss the happy

..or what i thought was happy

but no,

if i saw you now.

if you were to walk in and sit down,

i wouldn’t let you touch me

im repulsed by you

now that i’ve been able to take a step back

your mask has slipped off

and your actions unveiled 

i can finally see you for what you truly are

which is ugly

we 

are 

done

and i am 

happy

 

Sometimes It's Hard

She had this ability to cast a spell on people

And They loved her.

Because she was genuine,

She wouldn't hold her feeling in

If you were privileged enough,

She'd pour it all over you 

Let you taste every drop

despite her warnings, 

they continued to love her

Despite her warnings

They didn't know how to stop

and she just couldn’t love them they way they needed her to

because things had happened 

things she couldn't rewind

someone would have to unravel her

she needed them to

if they ever wanted to get to her

take her apart and put her back together

learn all her secret places

to know how to save her

so she knew she was worth something

worth anything

worth everything

but she'd never let any in
you see, she was broken
and she didn't want to break them
too

Emotional Walls

i believe the heart has many facets with many locks that require many keys..and the people that come into your life hold keys that open up certain parts of your heart and that is why you act differently or similarly with certain people - based on the keys which they hold. 

i know that is why i only like showing emotion to certain people..because they hold the key that opens that part of my heart. but those that have abused that key have forced the door shut far tighter than it was before and the locks have changed now. and i don’t know how or when to open it again.

The truth is, I'm in pieces

It was all his til I was forced to take it back 

But in that insane tug of war, I only managed to recover a tiny shred

He doesn't even know how much I left behind

And now I'm trying to rebuild it by bumming love off of passerby

I thought I was fine 

Now I'm 5 people in but still longing for old parts

Hey stranger, 

Can you help me love this new heart?

truest statement of the year: i have given 110 to someone who possessed what i thought was my skeleton key. but he didn’t understand or appreciate that insanely precious privilege and gift. now i can’t comprehend when people do appreciate or understand or who treat me the way i treated the person who didn’t care. so, I'm sorry future guys. purely because you get to deal with a heart that you didn't break. and i don't know which one is worse: being in love with someone who can't love you back, or not being capable of loving someone that deserves every bit of it. i guess i've been on both sides now, babe.

xoxo

Sam

Lay It On Me

Rub it in my face

Immerse me in it 

I want to know how over it is

So I can free myself and never look back

I want to bury any feeling

so deep

it’s crushed 

beneath the seismic weight

of my heart’s apathetic tectonic plates

Inspired

Inspired by a new start. Inspired by finally being able to start healing. Inspired by a soul sister's writing. I guess I've been completely unaware of the rut I've been stuck in for the last 6 and a half months. So thank you. I'm going to begin now. And I wont only be writing when I am sad or in love.

Here's my testimony for starters:

I have a really strong testimony of service and the blessings it brings. We are here for the service of other people. Service can be compared to rent we pay to live on this earth. A good life isn't free. Start Serving and feel Satan lose his grip on you.

Also, every little thing we do matters. Following promptings matters. Because people are always watching. Being alone is okay. Because it really is just you and God anyway.  Every thing we do affects the people around us. From the heart stopping feeling that tells you to get up and bear your testimony to the little nudge you get to call someone you haven't thought about in years. It all matters. And only God knows why you need to be doing what you're doing. Because the service He wants you to do always ends up helping you and being more for you in the end anyways. I'm slowly learning this. 

Being a good person starts from the inside out. (Alma 60:23) Habits are created over time. So if you want to change. You Literally just have to do it. Don't wait. You just be who you want to be. It's simple. 

I love learning about this gospel and I love that this learning can be continuous. I have grown such a huge testimony of the beauty of understanding the scriptures and likening them To our lives. I'm so grateful for each and every person that had a part in the putting together of it. Their bravery and their faith. Tremendous courage and love for truth. It is a gift that they have given us at the expense of their lives. And the best way we can even begin repay that debt is to "feast upon the words of Christ." It all there for our learning and guidance. 

Seek to understand the scriptures and watch how beautiful your life can be. Because like storms, the dark times always subside and the light will shine through and remind you why you are fighting the battle you are fighting. Also remember that you were given this battle because God knew you could handle it. But he didn't expect you to fight it on your own, he wants you to ask for every bit of help you need because he is itching to come to your rescue. All you have to do is ask.

In the name of our Savior, Jesus Christ,

Amen

Love you all

Sam